Posts Tagged ‘ rant ’


I love a good category romance. They’re like tablet (which is Scottish candy made of sugar and condensed milk.) to me. They’re sweet, they’re gone before you know it and they get me so incredibly high. I love them. I am addicted to the Blaze line from Harelquin. Mainly cause I love the covers and also because there is usally a passable story in amongst all the hawt sex. There are usually no Greek/Itialian/Arabian tycoon/billionaire and no secretary/virgin/mistress to have his secret baby/revenge marriage. That’s not to say I don’t love a good ‘The Greek Tycoon’s Virgin Misstress’ Secret Baby Bargin,’ once in a while. But the Blaze titles seem to be a little more down to earth.

I subscribe (shock horror) and get six titles every month. You get to know the authors and I usually glom authors that I have enjoyed. I know the Blaze line has it’s detractors and that’s because when it’s done badly it sucks the big one. And this month has a freakin insanely bad title. And it’s written by a repeat offender. This is the second time this writer has done this to me. Let me show you.

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I am seriously pissed off at the moment.

I really feel ripped off at this moment in time.

I have been wanting to knit this ‘Baby Surprise Jacket’ for ages, ever since I saw the pattern. It is knit in one whole piece and sewn along two seams and viola! Jacket.












See, it’s so pretty and really quite unusal. The pattern is over forty years old and was designed by knitting guru Elizabeth Zimmerman.

I found out you could buy a pattern over the web and what with postage cause it had to be sent from USA (why they couldn’t have downloadable pdf’s) it cost me £5.00. Pretty expensive for a frickin’ pattern.

Then I open it and it’s not so much a pattern but a spattering of loose instructions. ARGHHHH! Just general comments, like ‘AT 5 ridges, inc 9 stitches (K3, M1) across end sections,’. WTF? What so is that (K3, M1) all on the same row 4 on one side, five on the other or is that (K3, M1) across the end over the next 4 rows?

I’m totally fucking bamboozled already and I’m not even past the fourth row.

When I pay money for a pattern I excpect a pattern, not just the scribbles that the designer wrote down when she originally designed it. And because it’s 40 years old, I have no doubt I’m not the first person to have this problem. So I have to ask, does she excpect everyone to dechiper her scribblings. Is it knitting snobbery? Only designing for people who have the knitting chops to decode the secret expert knitters language she has used. Why, oh why hasn’t a comprehensive pattern been done. A revision of the original so us ordinary peons can use it without being made to feel like a fucking idiot!

Perhaps I should be flattered that it is expected that I can decipher this but I feel I have just paid money for something I can’t use. Not without going to Ravelry and trawling through many of the posts there about this very subject, or finding a podcast kint-a-long and take pointers from someone who has already had to decipher this fucking mess of instructions.

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Gag This Man

I like the idea of audiobooks.

It’s like taking multi-tasking to a new level. Work and play combined, or play and play. In an ideal world, you should be able to listen to a book as you do your dishes, or grocery shopping, cramming more into an already hectic world.

But for one thing.

Audiobook publishers insist on using really BAD narrators.

Fantasy books seem to be a particular victim. I recently got Robert Jordan’s Wheel Of Time on audiobook, thinking I could revisit this series without wading through all 11 books again. It feels like such a chore now….

To my utter dismay have been unable to listen to them because the narrator is terrible. A really thick, clipped, over enunciated Amercian accent. I think he must be reading from an auto-que as there are incomprehensible pauses which alter the pitch and rythym of the reading, making it impossible to follow without cringing. Shouting seems to equal drama, so most of the time I’m adjusting the volume constantly. He lacks any kind of sensitivity or nuance for the material.

In short he seems to be some kind of Brian Blessed wannabe. But without the talent. It really ruined what I thought was going to be a fantastic experience. I’m bitterly disappointed.

So I do some research and find out this guy, Michael Kramer is a respected audiobook narrator who has won awards. WTF??

I thought it might just be the American accent that bothered me, but that doesn’t apply as my favourite audiobooks ever are read by an American. James Marsters. He reads the Dresden novels and if Mr. Kramer has won awards then James Marsters should be winning the friggin’ audiobook Oscars. If you don’t believe me, checkout his work here.

Nothing short of genuis. They are on constant rotation all the time. Which has left me with a backlog of audiobooks to listen to. However, now I’m really afraid to listen to any of them just in case they are as bad as Mr. Kramers.

To make matters worse I see this chump, Michael Kramer has just finished my beloved ‘The Devil You Know,’ by Mike Carey. I shudder to think.

If I was an author, I think I would have a clause in my contract forbidding that man to read any of my work.